No
No. I don't co-op at our co-op-optional preschool.
No. I don't volunteer for every school event.
No. I have never been a room parent.
No. I don't go to weekend work days.
No. I have never organized a field trip.
Why?
Well, my kids are in school from about 8 - noon and when they're there I need to be at work. My husband works more than full time, and when he's home we like to be together as a family.
I'm sure that the seemingly hundreds of potlucks, festivals, hoedowns, fairs, library nights, coffee get-togethers, PTA debates, and math nights are awesome and enriching and life-affirming, but they cut sharply into the time that we spend together as a family. So we skip many of them.
I look at my kids and the deep connection they have to each other, and I know we're doing the right thing. The right thing for us. Our number one priority is family, and community comes second. A close second, but second for sure.
Yes
Just this morning, Mike hurt himself when he was getting down from the kitchen table. Robbie started to help him run into the living room to see me when Mike turned to him and said "But I want you"
Robbie gently put his arms around him, Mike put his head on his shoulder, and Robbie patted his back saying "Oh, I am so sorry this happened to you" over and over until he stopped crying. Then he got him some ice from the freezer. All of this happened in front of me, but with no intervention or prompting. To say it moved me would be an understatement.
That's love. And that's the connection I'm working on building right now. Spreading our connection deeper into the community will have to come later.
You just 100% described how I've been feeling lately. My son, Alex, just started Kindergarten. The amount of activities and volunteers and fundraisers, etc. that the school asks of parents is overwhelming.
Truth is, I'd love to be active in his school volunteering my time in the classroom, and what not. But, I have two very young toddlers at home that need to build a connection with me right now. Not to mention, Alex needs to start the long road to find independence and have his own life outside of me, and his time outside of school is our bonding time so we remain close. In both situations, me being that involved in his school life would come at a price I'm just not willing to pay.
So I compromise. I'll bake cookies, or make something for the potluck, or go shopping for extra glue sticks or what not (with my kids!) and drop the items off when I have some time available. This way I get to check in with the teacher on a somewhat regular basis, and I still get quality time with my kids on a schedule I like.
i'm surely not the only one sobbing over this right now. how sweet. my boys are close like that, kissing each others "boo boos" and so on, but what you saw is just beautiful.
took alex to the doctor tonight and two kids of this one family were fighting tooth and nail right out there in the middle of everyone and i realized how blessed i am, at least my two only try to kill each other a few times a day and never in public
That is exactly how I hope my children will be someday. I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of my second just so I can watch my two kids grow up together.
You've got some sweet kids there Erika. Sounds like you are doing a great job.
What an awesome post - I am all teary-eyed! What love. I agree 100% with setting family first. We live in a world way too jammed pack with activity and stress…the family unit is our grounding, our focal point. Thank you for sharing.
[...] Plain Jane Mom - No This totally describes how I'm feeling about Alex's school right now. Every week it is another request to volunteer for this, that, and the other. I want to help, but bonding time with the family is just to important. [...]
I love iy. You are so right. I am learning from you.
Amazing. You should be, and I'm sure you are, so proud. What a great moment. Compassion from a brother. Very cool.
Sobbing
There's a fine line between being involved and being too involved so that it affects your family life. Not enough people know when to say no, but it sounds as though you are definitely not one of them. Your boys demonstrated that today! So sweet.
Aahh, so sweet. And thank you for posting about your involvement - my volunteering comes in waves, and life is too short to worry about it, too. I'm grateful to the parents who do - we seem to be blessed with several nice, helpful, very involved parents but no militant PTA types for sure in our class. Although I am glad I can be there now without K needing to cling to me.
How sweet!!!
really amazing. :)
Same here. I just can't get worked up about all the goofy evening events, when most of the other parents don't strike me as being people I would want to hang out with anyway.
Sounds like you are doing the right thing. Your kids sound so adorable! I would rather spend my time with my family and not volenteering and missing all the fun.
wow…what an amazing and touching moment between your kids…and to be able to witness it…how wonderful!
i agree with everything you said. my boys aren't school age yet, but i can't see us attending events when it cuts into together time. life's too short!
It's good that you know where your priorities are. Too many moms over-commit to school and community events, leaving no time for family. Good for you!
That's so sweet!! I hope my children are the same way with each other someday too. I think you're a great mom from what I read here, you have your priorities right, you don't overstretch with events and activities and you value the little things that so many parents overlook :)
I am the same….and these days I have two hours 3 times a week to myself…I plan on hogging it selfishly as much as I can.
Yes there is reading buddy days and so on..but with all the kids….I need my time and family time first.
Exactly. I think you just vocalized perfectly for 1000's of mommies.
Well put.
What a touching moment! And that takes time and attention to foster. I'm right there with you–family first. Once you get that started you can turn to the community.
[...] "No" from Plain Jane Mom Blog. This is a big hot-button topic to mothers of school aged children. How much of yourself do you give to the school? Erika says, "Not a bit" because right now she's focusing on her family. And I think that's more than okay. [...]
Hurrah! My son is just entering the School Zone and I have had to ponder this.
I agree that the family unit has to be 100% strong and the rest can simply come later. Besides, what will kids remember as adults - PTA dinners or nights spent cuddled around TV, books and boardgames?
Just a few weeks ago, I was chatting with my neighbor across the street - her kids are 13, 11, and 9. They are constantly in and out of their driveway going places. She came over and sheepishly said that she loves watching us play in the front yard with our 2 year and our new baby. She said they used to do that "believe it or not". THEN, she said they actually limit their kids to one activity each. ONE! And yes, she was aware they are still running around alot. We both shook our heads at it.
You know what? I'm room parent for two different classrooms, Box Tops for Education coordinator, school cookbook coordinator, bake sale chairperson, and lunch count mom.
I'm also stressed, anxious, and frustrated. I don't know what I was thinking.
What I'm thinking now, though, is that you have the right idea.
Ugh. Couldn't agree more. I'm a SAHM with a VERY busy husband - we try to preserve weekend time for the family as much as possible and we are really protective of our limited free time. I feel like all of this running to and fro seems really joyless - are the kids/moms really having fun at the Mommy and Me class, or are they there so that Mommy can feel like she's "doing something" with her kid?