All Chip wants to do is watch this video. And all I want to do is dance around while eating adorable Easter egg babies.

Yum.

“No, I do not say “mumsy,” “jolly,” or “righty-oh.” That’s for posh twats from Chelsea, innit?”
“Seriously, people… Hating moms who blog is sooo summer ‘06.”
“And if it’s true that you can judge a man by …

Not a bug-eyed cartoon girl. Not a crappy DMV photo. Just real pictures of me — so you’ll know who to look for at BlogHer. I want to meet all of you, so if you …

This puts me in the mind of getting a pedicure for myself as well…
Oooohhh, stubborn kids… I can relate.
“Will it grow back when he’s older?” That’s a good one.
I remember the baby-product lust — and …

Last Saturday night, Mr. Plain and I went for a drink before a movie and sat at the bar next to a couple on a date. I couldn’t see them, but I could hear every …

Seriously? Chris was worse than Sanjaya? Pony-hawk boy was not the worst? This is insane! I now think that every week he’s just going to come out, hum off-key, and end up in the finale. …

Product recalls: Bikes at Target for frame failure, stuffed sports balls for lead content.
Go put your arm around Maria.
I never know the answers to these questions either!
Apparently “coochie” was vetoed. Hmmm.
I have officially requisitioned my …

I only ask because, holy hell, he wants to stop wearing a pullup at night. And I am totally supportive of this decision. Except when it means he gets up at least three times every …

Lakisha: Excellent! I love that you look and sound like a twenty-something again.
Chris S: Surprisingly off the beat and just crap. You’re good, what happened?
Gina: Eh, I guess it was good. Kind of boring.
Sanjaya: Buh-bye. …

Product recalls: Baby Trend baby-carrier backpacks for fall hazard. QVC children’s robe for flammability. Radio-control airplanes for fire hazard.
I agree, educational programming can save lives. Might I add: the Upside Down Show that emphasizes not …

On Saturday morning we had some guys over to do some work on our driveway. Mr. Plain and I were talking to them in the front yard while the boys were hanging out watching TV. …

Start with 3 tons of gravel left over from the new driveway.

Put no more than 10 shovel-scoops in a wheelbarrow and set off down the driveway.

Give a really good shove to get up on the …

Melanie, what a beautiful wedding you had!
I’m envisioning a face-off of Sara and Andria. Head-to-head. Maybe a weekend kid-swap? At the very least, more-hyphens.
Sure, we all know not to go grocery shopping hungry, but I …

I’m tired of complaining about others who are getting to go. I need to meet all the other people who are freaks like me and write to an audience we can’t see. Whose real-life friends …

What an adventure!
There’s a Bisexual Membership Card? I wonder if there’s a secret handshake too.
Hannah Bridgeman-Oxley and Karri Cormican: you absolutely rock. And now I’m sad too. Stop by and send some nice words over.
All …

I give up. Mike has an incredibly sensitive scalp. As in yelping whenever I gently wash his hair. And forget about giving him a hair cut. You’d think I was removing his scalp.
So now I’m …

Ack, 12 days! I’m not sure I would have had the patience to shampoorinserepeat 50 times!
Ooohh, a contest. And you can win shiny, pretty things. My favorite kind!
Yep, mommyhood is hard. And there is no …

On Thursday our new puppy was born.

Somewhere in this pile of dog sleeps our new puppy “Lucy.”

May 14th we can take her home, and I’m so excited! I didn’t really want to get another dog …

I have recently become obsessed with Maya’s Mom (the web site not the person, you freak) — please friend me so I don’t look like the dork at the bottom of the reject pile!!
Shhhhh… everyone… …

Baby product recall: 100,000 Infantino SlingRider sling carriers for a faulty part that could cause the baby to fall out. One child has suffered a skull fracture!
I agree, South Beach is a bitch.
Great boob news!
ANOTHER …

Well, “don’t care” is harsh. I care about the welfare of the child she will bring into her family, but I don’t care about any of the controversy.
I am, however, excited as a schoolgirl that …

TiVo and I finally watched Tuesday’s American Idol last night, and I had a horrible realization. Sanjaya was not the worst performer this week.
I know, I know… He’s really bad. BUT I thought he did …

Things recalled because they might set you on fire: lamps and washing machines. (What’s next? Shoes? Hats? Socks? Lint?)
Tiffany on Vicodin. Awesome!
My date with Gapmoms is in August when Mike starts kindergarten. Should be “interesting.”
No …

I am not a dude.
I don’t have a schlong — truncated or any other kind.
I know a wonderful woman from Nigeria who I actually would assist with a bank transaction. You, however, are not her.
Yes, …

I can’t help it… I just have to tell you about funny things my two-year-old says and does. It’s a compulsion, and I’m sorry.

He plays Hullabaloo by himself. He gets out the box, puts down …

Not all celebrities get special treatment in every aspect of their life. Not all adoption agencies are able to be “bought off” (sheesh). In some cases it just isn’t that time-consuming a process to adopt …

The other day Mike realized that he could read. He’s not sitting down devouring books just yet, but soon enough.
He’s known for a long time that letters make sounds, you put letters together to make …

100 interesting things!
Beautiful, Thordora, just beautiful.
No substitutions, no penalties… and no time limit!
Nope, not too much to ask.
Fanastic news and completely fucked news. The wheel spins with no rhyme or reason, apparently. Why can’t ALL …

About a week ago my dad’s dog Dixie died. When I told Mike and Robbie what happened, I reminded them that now she was in heaven with our dog Alice who died about a year …

People who cannot imagine that it is possible to have a different view than their own bug me. They bug Suzanne too.
Do you have pets? Check the giant pet food recall. (Thanks Rhonda)
I think BMI …