All Chip wants to do is watch this video. And all I want to do is dance around while eating adorable Easter egg babies.

Yum.

"No, I do not say "mumsy," "jolly," or "righty-oh." That's for posh twats from Chelsea, innit?"

"Seriously, people… Hating moms who blog is sooo summer ‘06."

"And if it's true that you can judge a man by the company he keeps, I must be a pretty nice person, after all." [It is true. And go vote now. I do it every day.]

I chuckled when I read this, but then I felt bad about it. Really I did. Am I a bad person?

Not a bug-eyed cartoon girl. Not a crappy DMV photo. Just real pictures of me — so you'll know who to look for at BlogHer. I want to meet all of you, so if you see me, come on over!

I've set it up so that one of these pictures is shown randomly in my sidebar [UPDATED: I liked A best, so I stuck that in there. Oh, and also? My GOD I have a HUGE forehead!!], but I'm thinking of just picking one to show. SO… let me know which one you like best, please.

A	B	C
D	E	F

Or if there's one that makes me look like even more of a world-class dork than the others, please point that out instead!

This puts me in the mind of getting a pedicure for myself as well…

Oooohhh, stubborn kids… I can relate.

"Will it grow back when he's older?" That's a good one.

I remember the baby-product lust — and it went away after I'd had kids and therefore had no time for shopping.

“Your uterus is glued on crooked!” Snort.

Last Saturday night, Mr. Plain and I went for a drink before a movie and sat at the bar next to a couple on a date. I couldn't see them, but I could hear every word.

She was a collection agent for child support payments and he was very interested. As in… interested in what was under her skorts. So I got to hear a lot of statements like "I think that's great!" delivered with extra-enthusiasm. But my favorite was "If you don't like that, I'll get you deported!"

That last one almost made me turn around, but instead I asked Mr. Plain to use my phone and pretend like he was checking his voicemail. He took this shot for me:

AAAAAAHHHH! I think my eyes are bleeding! Is it me or does she look creeped out? (And yep, that's me in the foreground having a margarita — yum!)

After drinks we saw "The Namesake," and I was disappointed. I was really looking forward to it, but it didn't live up to my expectations. There were so many stories going on and none was really focussed on. If they had done the movie from the perspective of the mother and mainly dealt with her story it would have been great.

But instead it came off as a poor adaptation of a book. In a book you can have lots of plots and if you're a good writer it isn't a problem. You just keep adding pages! But in a movie you have a time-limit and that worked against this movie.

The weekend before we saw "Dreamgirls." Now this was a fun movie but also disappointing! I know, I'm picky… But they did my least-favorite musical-thing. All of a sudden people would just burst into song. Now that would be fine if they had been doing that from the beginning, but it didn't start until about 1/3 into the movie and it was very odd.

I'm assuming they had the song-moments because otherwise it would have been really hard to figure out how to fit in the trademark Dreamgirls songs, but their solution didn't really do it for me. And yes, Jennifer Hudson was very good, but Oscar-good? Nah.

I'm not sure what we're going to see this weekend, but I'll let you know how it goes ;)

Seriously? Chris was worse than Sanjaya? Pony-hawk boy was not the worst? This is insane! I now think that every week he's just going to come out, hum off-key, and end up in the finale. Lesson learned: never underestimate the power of pre-teen girls.

Product recalls: Bikes at Target for frame failure, stuffed sports balls for lead content.

Go put your arm around Maria.

I never know the answers to these questions either!

Apparently "coochie" was vetoed. Hmmm.

I have officially requisitioned my toilet brush!

Here's a wrinkle: what's my problem if I like these cars?

Ugh, I'm hating South Beach too.

Another person I can't wait to meet at BlogHer!

I only ask because, holy hell, he wants to stop wearing a pullup at night. And I am totally supportive of this decision. Except when it means he gets up at least three times every night needing new PJs. And a clean blanket spread over his bed — for I amway too tired to constantly change sheets in the middle of the night.

So. Not wrong, right? He's like 90% water anyway.

I will admit that this extreme lack of sleep is rendering me the teensiest bit psychotic and unable to concentrate (or punctuate), so I'm soliciting some other opinions on the matter.

Lakisha: Excellent! I love that you look and sound like a twenty-something again.

Chris S: Surprisingly off the beat and just crap. You're good, what happened?

Gina: Eh, I guess it was good. Kind of boring.

Sanjaya: Buh-bye. Seriously dude, I gave you a pass last week, but now you must leave. And your hair scared me.

Haley: (I think I lapsed into a coma for her performance, so I can't really comment on it.)

Phil: From now on you should only sing Police songs. This was the first time you didn't creep me totally out.

Melinda: (My favorite gal) I LOVE YOU! You never lose it, you always love what you're doing. You're great to watch.

Blake: (My favorite guy) Good lord, you took a song by The Cure and made it happy! You smartly chose not to do the beat-boxing stuff. Excellent.

Jordin: That outfit got you a few million votes! A good, young song, and you did a pretty good job, but I wish you had been more exciting.

Chris R: I agree, don't speak — it hurts. And get rid of the boy-band shoes.

Product recalls: Baby Trend baby-carrier backpacks for fall hazard. QVC children's robe for flammability. Radio-control airplanes for fire hazard.

I agree, educational programming can save lives. Might I add: the Upside Down Show that emphasizes not covering the toilet seat in one's own urine?

I'm not a doctor, but I suspect it is better than brownies.

Almost time to dust off that Stairway to Heaven 45.

You can place me squarely in the very curious column. (Yes, I'm nosy ;)

The update at the bottom of this post made me snort coffee out my nose.

The only blog Mr. Plain reads is this one, but this post I forced him to look at may have converted him to a Dad Gone Mad reader.

Thank you Mr. Nice Guy for pinpointing exactly what is wrong with that stupid study on children in "daycare."

A PSA for everyone who may have been breathed on by Mir…