Sunday was my birthday, and it was so much fun! Friday, Mr. Plain walked in the door with a really pretty birthday package. The package tormented me all the way until Sunday morning when I got to open it in bed. It was carried to me by some very cute porters.

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They also brought me a package they had gone out to shop for the day before and had wrapped themselves.

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It turned out to be gardening tools in my favorite color.

They did note, however, that the sprinkler was not for me. It was for them to run through. Fair enough.

And the card Mike made was fantastic!

Each family member is drawn in their favorite color. I am in the top left and I'm the "saver". Daddy is in blue and he's the "bad guy". Robbie, in orange, is a spider with a big web. Chip, drawn in the only color he knows, is also a spider. Mike, in red, is on the bottom right. The spider web in the middle figures into the whole scheme in a way I can't quite understand… Hey, at least I get to be the saver!

In the big, heavy boxes was the greatest gift I've gotten in a long time… BOOKS! Mr. Plain was tired of me complaining all the time that I have nothing to read. I read fairly fast, and especially if I have a book I really love. So he gets to hear this a lot.

So over many lunch hours he went to all the local book shops and found an amazing assortment for me. I have my reading needs covered for a while!

Then I decided that I needed to share my reading list with y'all, so check out the sidebar. Yeah, and they're amazon associates links, deal ;) These are all books I like and recommend. Let me know what you think!

More later about my birthday evening. Hint: we were out on the town and had to call 911 about a baby-daddy… Oooh!

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I'm not a "cat person" but Bob is great with the boys, and they love him very much. He definitely earns his kibble.

Ah, memories. My mom saved lots of books from when I was a kid, and the boys love to read them. Needless to say, they have become a little 'worn.' For example, "Green Eggs and Ham" is in 3 pieces, only 2 of which are locatable at any one time.

So the other day I decided to grab new copies of some Dr. Seuss books at Amazon. Innocently, I chose The Cat in the Hat Comes Back. I didn't have my childhood copy, but I thought the boys would enjoy a sequel. Well, like so many others, this sequel is not as good as the original.

I'm happily reading along when I come to the part where Cat A, B and their friends use GUNS to KILL some dirty snow! Am I a complete freak, or is this insane to have in a kids book? It never occured to me to "pre-read" a Dr. Seuss book, but I've learned my lesson.

Yes, it was a good conversation starter for us. The boys already know how I feel about guns. We'll be in Target and they'll see an action figure with guns, and they'll say "We don't want that at our house because it has guns!"

But of course, that is just the voice outside their head. On the inside they're saying "OMFG I WANT A BATMAN WITH PISTOLS!!!! AND A RIFLE!!! AND HEY, IS THAT A STICK OVER THERE?"

To me it doesn't matter that they are "just" pop-guns. I give a thumbs-down to violence, even when sanitized by cartoonery. But other than the guns (Mrs. Lincoln) the book isn't too bad. So here is my Guide to De-Gunning Your Copy of "The Cat in the Hat Comes Back"

Fortunately, Dr. Seuss was nice enough to make it very easy to slice out the pages with guns on them. There are 3 pages in the middle that can be Exacto-ed out neatly and with no one the wiser. If you've plucked out the right pages, this is what you'll see:

Then you'll just need to make some editorial changes to this page:

I used whiteout and changed "kill" to "get" myself. But hey, be creative, get out that Thesaurus! And have a great weekend. Think of me on Sunday… I'll be 39! O.M.G.

That Robbie, he can talk to anyone! Last night at their gymnastics class I was listening in — surreptitiously since no parents can come into the gym area — and heard Mr. Non-sequitur say "I saw the BIGGEST palm tree outside!"

OK, doesn't have much to do with the task at hand, ie runningjumpingtumbling, but not bad.

Then after class I was talking to the coach and Robbie said to her "I have to tell you something!" She bent down. "There's this bad, bad guy and he keeps calling…" And I'm wondering where exactly he's going with this. "And he has us on his list!" And then Mike chips in with "And it is so irritating!"

By this time I'm cracking up and have to jump in to explain that Robbie is telling her about the telemarketers that call us! My response to them is always "Please take us off your list and don't call again" and then I hang up. Every time the boys hear this they go on and on about how irritating it is! I had to explain to the coach what was going on and she cracked up too.

Palm trees and telemarketers. Good times, good times.

Good gravy, man. Why didn't anyone tell me that kids learn from their older siblings LIKE THIS? Seriously, I expected Chip to maybe walk early, learn to read at the same time as his brothers, or say please and thank you all the time.

No. I get the kid who learns to be mouthy! How's that for a treat for Mom!

Background: Chip likes to go into the bathroom by himself and fool around. He also knows this is not allowed which of course makes the thrill all that much better. But the saving grace is that we've always been able to say "Chip, please come out and close the door." And he does it. Cool, right?

This morning Chip was in the bathroom. Mr. Plain used the previously mentioned sentence. And Chip instead turned around and said:

"Whhhhyyyyyyy?"

Oh fuck, we're fucked! He's only (hmmm… math time….) 21 months old and he's already learned the phrase that drives me insane! Now how exactly is that a good survival strategy? Darwin was wrong if you ask me!

Oh, and by the way, on Sunday I came home from taking the older boys to their first swim lesson. Mr. Plain was home alone with Chip. I walk in the door and Chip runs out of the bathroom yelling "MOMMY!!!" And holding a matchbox car. And soaking wet up to his shoulder.

Mr. Plain says "Wow, this really makes me look bad!"

Five years ago today Mr. Plain and I woke up early to get ready for what turned out to be the last of our many IVF egg retrieval procedures. Always "fun", I wasn't particularly eager to get out of bed so I turned on the news. Mr. Plain was in the bathroom and I yelled for him to come back. I was still fuzzy headed from sleep and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Just before he came into the room the second plane hit. We weren't sure if it was a replay of the first or a new hit. The same thing happened with the collapsing towers. Was that just a replay, or was it the second tower? The whole series of events is still blurry to me and I have no desire to study up on the timeline.

Driving to the hospital we listened to the news the whole 30 minute drive. Checked into the hospital and turned on CNN in the room. Our nurse kept coming in to get news updates.

The retrieval was the worst ever. I was a big 'egg producer' — like 25-30 mature follicles each time — but this time we got barely enough to transfer back a few days later. I always wonder what caused that response. Was the doctor distracted? Was the embryologist not able to concentrate? Was the stress in the last few hours before retrieval enough to do "something" to all my eggs to make them unusable? And the procedure didn't even result in another chemical pregnancy, just a beta of 0.

I'll never know those answers, and I'll never forget the horror of that day. I am still shocked every time I catch a glimpse of the smoking towers in a magazine or newspaper article. It catches my breath every time. Strangely enough, whenever I occasionally see video footage of it on TV it just pisses me off. I guess I can channel my whacked-out feelings about the event into outrage at TV producers showing the footage. I still believe it needs to be kept off TV. I personally just can't watch it at all.

5 years later I have the kids of my dreams, and I have left 99% of the pain of infertility in the past. But I'll never forget September 11, 2001.

Robbie just told me that when he grows up he’s going to be a daddy. (Yay!)

He’s going to have 5 children. (Wow!)

All boys. (HAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Named Mike, Robbie, Chip, Mommy & Daddy. (Huh?)

Today when we came home I saw Mr. Plain’s car so I said “Yay, Daddy is home!” Robbie thought for a second and said “Is Daddy your daddy?”

Now, I can see that he’s working some stuff out here!

On the other hand, Chip now answers "No-kay" to most questions. WTF? I am used to not understanding 90% of what he cutely babbles to me, but this one is the most confusing so far. And no, I usually cannot guess from context. He's a mystery!