Just who, really, is going to read a manual for a freaking toaster oven? Well, apparently I should. We’ve had ours for years and years and I only just accidentally discovered that the little broiler …

I figured it out — I keep waking up at night because the temperature in the house is above freezing! So now I’ve equipped the kids with winter jammies and set the air conditioning to …

Yawn, I’ve got to get more sleep. I wake up about once every 30 minutes and it is getting to the point where I can barely think anymore! Maybe I need one of these snazzy …

A post at Oh, The Joys today got me to thinking about my wedding. Mr. Plain and I were pretty pulled-together during the ceremony except for one moment. My Dad read the below poem that …

I’ve been pondering my priorities for parenting my kids. You know, what is really important to me. Just to get them out of the way, here are the “duh” obvious ones:

Keeping them physically safe
Helping them …

Guess which one is me? (Throw me a bone and pretend it didn’t take you all of a half second to figure it out.)
[photo removed]
I’d be mortified by this picture if it wasn’t the perfect …

All of my girlfriends love the Little Mermaid. They love me because I’m so nice to them.
Robbie
OMG, I can’t breathe! He has girlfriends?? He’s only 3! Those bitches…

How else could you explain her dead-on drawing of me? (Click to see the amazing details!)
True, I tried recently to get a little hip. I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that my feet …

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+

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Right? Wrong. Here’s the result with Plain Jane Math:

Followed by:

It was actually pretty funny, because I left my drink on the arm of my deck chair for a second so I could run inside to …

Do you ever feel like you have chronic fatigue? Not the kind with capital letters, just the regular, old fucking tired all the time kind? That’s what I have and I just can’t shake it.
“Not …

Wait. What? I am hopelessly late to this party, but what? Have I had too much Nyquil? Help me out here.

…I’m just ignoring you.
Or maybe that’s the other way around. Clearly time for more cold medicine. ‘night!

(I wrote this in March 2005 when Chip was 3 months old.)
What I will miss when Chip is no longer a baby:

How tiny yet present he is.
How just showing up makes him stop crying and …

This is STILL the funniest commercial ever!

Whenever I’m having a stressful day I can just watch this a couple of times and after about the 3rd viewing I’m chuckling. I always feel better. It doesn’t …

They sent me this huge box of samples today! I had a really stressful end to my week (hence no post yesterday), and this was a really nice surprise treat.

The boys love it too, because …

The American Academy of Pediatrics says that “kids today” drink too much juice. It fills them up with empty calories and then they’re not hungry for real food.
But at our house the kids can drink …

…this is what they’d say:
“WE LOVE LAZYTOWN!!”

I weighed myself this morning, and it just said “Lo”. BEST. SCALE. EVER.
I am never going to change the batteries again!

This bear has been Mike’s companion since he was about 1. Quite by accident we left it in his crib for many months, and then it became clear that he wasn’t leaving any time soon.
Theo …

Every time I make a peanut butter sandwich for my kids I marvel at how expensive PB is. We buy the natural kind that is just ground-up nuts with salt, and I’m sure I could …

Oh, aren’t they cute! I just love ants…
Wait… that’s the people at Disney.
Me, I HATE ANTS!
Now that’s what I’m talking about. This is a photo of a now-dead ant-object. It was on my counter with …

Seriously, what happened to the Do Not Call list? When we first signed up we were treated to months and months of blissful silence. We don’t get many phone calls, and when the phone would …

I was looking at the two oldest the other day and lamenting that I’d have to take them for haircuts very soon. The woman who cuts their hair only works on Sundays, is a 25 …

It took Mr. Plain and me almost 5 years to get pregnant with our first biological child. In that time we did it all — medically speaking, you have such dirty minds! — and here …

I’m finishing up a year-long project that took up most of my available time and brain power. Now that I’m winding it up, my regular life feels like a vacation! Amazing, but I’m not sure …