Archive for August, 2006

We don't need no stinkin' manuals

Just who, really, is going to read a manual for a freaking toaster oven? Well, apparently I should. We've had ours for years and years and I only just accidentally discovered that the little broiler pan fits neatly into a handy slot under the rack. How long have I been lamely trying to balance it on top of the volcanic heating element? Can you say imminent fire hazard?

I must say that now that I'm sleeping more I have a whole new awareness of the world! And my feet, driving, working, really everything I've been doing on a daily basis up to now. Pretty sure I've been doing a piss-poor job, and it is kind of nice now to be somewhat awake for life's daily shitstorms miracles. Whoo Haa!

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Restive meat locker

snowmiser.jpgI figured it out — I keep waking up at night because the temperature in the house is above freezing! So now I've equipped the kids with winter jammies and set the air conditioning to SIXTY-EIGHT DEGREES all night long! Glorious sleep. How I've missed you…

Of course this plan is not without pitfalls. For example, Chip feels that footie pyjamas are the work of the devil. As in he screams for 5 minutes, throws himself face-down on the floor, attempts to rip them off his feet. I think I distracted him last night, though, by complimenting him on his nice shoes. Take That, toddler!

I'd say "Chip, I like your new shoes!" He'd look at his feet quizzically and wonder to himself if they actually might be shoes. This bought me enough time to distract him with something else "Did I hear a truck go by??" and he promptly forgot about the offending PJs. Phew.

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must sleep more

metronap-sleep-pod3.jpg
Yawn, I've got to get more sleep. I wake up about once every 30 minutes and it is getting to the point where I can barely think anymore! Maybe I need one of these snazzy sleep chairs? Ah yes, retail therapy… Always a good plan!

Today is yardworkday, so think of me out in the yard digging holes. Yesterday we dropped the kiddos off at the grandparents in the morning and went to a big nursery sale. Think of it like Filene's Basment but with shrubbery. We scored some great deals on large plants, but now we (meaning Mr. Plain) have a lot of digging to do.

Later!

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I Could Give All to Time

A post at Oh, The Joys today got me to thinking about my wedding. Mr. Plain and I were pretty pulled-together during the ceremony except for one moment. My Dad read the below poem that we had picked out, and we both got teary-eyed.

I Could Give All to Time

To Time it never seems that he is brave
To set himself against the peaks of snow
To lay them level with the running wave,
Nor is he overjoyed when they lie low,
But only grave, contemplative and grave.

What now is inland shall be ocean isle,
Then eddies playing round a sunken reef
Like the curl at the corner of a smile;
And I could share Time's lack of joy or grief
At such a planetary change of style.

I could give all to Time except - except
What I myself have held. But why declare
The things forbidden that while the Customs slept
I have crossed to Safety with? For I am There,
And what I would not part with I have kept.

- Robert Frost

The last line is what got us both. It was a moment I'll always remember. That was the part of our wedding day that was just for he and I alone. What a wonderful memory!

We found this poem because the last part is the first thing you read in Wallace Stegner's "Crossing to Safety." This amazing book is one of my all-time favorites and I read it again every year or so. Are you looking for something great to read? Check it out.

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My parenting priorities

I've been pondering my priorities for parenting my kids. You know, what is really important to me. Just to get them out of the way, here are the "duh" obvious ones:

  • Keeping them physically safe
  • Helping them stay healthy

But after that I've fixed on these, in this order:

  • Making sure my kids know they are loved and protected
  • Teaching them that the most important relationship right now is with their brothers. How wonderful and important it is that they have each other. How they are going to be brothers forever and that that is a special gift not everyone gets.

That last one is so important to me. I didn't grow up with any siblings my age, and I want my kids to have the blessing of contemporaries who know them from the inside out.

At this point they are young enough that I can just make it an expectation of mine that they will get along and love each other. I don't give them any other options. Fortunately, this seems to be working, and I know I'm fortunate with that. Mike and Robbie are each other's best friend. My current challenge is to work Chip into the mix, but with his age that is trickier.

They love Chip too, but since he's not as physical or verbal as they are yet, playing with him is more of an effort. I'm happy to say that they do make an effort to include him in games sometimes, so I see that as a positive sign.

It just makes me so happy to see them all playing together. I hope to be able to give them the gift of always being close.

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Get that woman a martini

Guess which one is me? (Throw me a bone and pretend it didn't take you all of a half second to figure it out.)

[photo removed]

I'd be mortified by this picture if it wasn't the perfect portrait of a mom of 3 boys.

Taken almost exactly a year ago at a wedding in Los Angeles it illustrates the dressed-up version of my wardrobe — see yesterday's post for more on that disaster.

It had been a long drive to get there, and a long night in the hotel. Keeping track of our kids in the church (let's just say they weren't accustomed to being there) during the ceremony, keeping them from running wild during the reception, and making sure they ate at least a little food was fatiguing to say the least!

Was I saying "What the hell is taking so long, Ansel Adams?" or "Let go of my necklace!" ? I guess that will remain a mystery for the ages. But I do love my little California dudes in their ties-and-Tevas. Of course Chip was wearing a charming baby tuxedo.

Note: bow ties are delicious.

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I need oxygen

All of my girlfriends love the Little Mermaid. They love me because I'm so nice to them.

Robbie

OMG, I can't breathe! He has girlfriends?? He's only 3! Those bitches…

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Everyday Mommy is stalking me

How else could you explain her dead-on drawing of me? (Click to see the amazing details!)

True, I tried recently to get a little hip. I've finally come to terms with the fact that my feet are TWO SIZES LARGER than they were before my 2 pregnancies.

Sort of.

I mean I'm still bitter about it, but short of lopping off toes I don't have a lot of options.

slides2.jpgI had a point… oh right, I bought some new shoes. I still can't face dragging my sorry feet to a department store, so it was Hello Zappos.com!

slides1.jpgBUT the two pairs of shoes I got were slip-ons! I can't win.

I also wear capris. Every day.

I don't even have a 'sensible mommy haircut' I just have 'too lazy to get a haircut for over a year so stick it in a ponytail'!

I'm wearing a v-neck from Target right now.

I realize that correcting my dazed mental state and glazed-over eyes is probably up to me, but at least I don't have to dress the part of over-tired insane mom. My god, I need help ladies! I have a whole new season coming up — you know, 'Fall' — so maybe I can wear some un-lame clothes. But what? Suggestions, please!

**********************
EDITED TO ADD:

The cartoon was drawn by Everyday Mommy not me! Yikes, I thought I was clear enough about that, but apparently not! ;) All hail Everyday Mommy's drawing prowess!

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Friday night goes all Macaca

lime.jpg

+

gin.jpg

+

ice.jpg

=

gt.jpg

Right? Wrong. Here's the result with Plain Jane Math:

ruhroh.jpg

Followed by:

runaway.jpg

It was actually pretty funny, because I left my drink on the arm of my deck chair for a second so I could run inside to get my camera. I wanted to take one more picture for my BLOG! Well, one thing led to another and the Rescue Heroes got a little frisky. Serves me right ;)

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naptime

Do you ever feel like you have chronic fatigue? Not the kind with capital letters, just the regular, old fucking tired all the time kind? That's what I have and I just can't shake it.

"Not right now Robbie, mommy is passed out on the couch." Ever tried to nap while your kids are running around? I knew I was really tired when learned that I could sleep in 15 second increments.

Shut eyes.

Wake to Mike saying "Mommy, why are you sleeping" and mumble something incoherent and hopefully free of hilariously repeatable words.

20 seconds later wake to the sound of blood curdling screaming. Determine it is an "I'm pissed off" noise and not an "I'm being dismembered" noise and fall back asleep.

A blissful 2 minutes later wake to the sensation of being poked. And not in a good way. Open eyes to see a paper airplane milliseconds before it enters your cornea. Yell something incoherent, and fall asleep again.

Have enough remaining spidey-sense left to be woken by the sound of someone outside conspiratorially whispering "I bet we can do it…". Look outside window to see newest inventive children's game being played. Step 1: throw small toy on top of patio umbrella until it gets stuck there. Step 2: dislodge it by throwing a GARDEN SHOVEL up at it.

Become fully awake approximately 5 minutes after running outside and snatching a garden tool out of the air just before it cleaves someone's head in two.

Anyone know the name of a good babysitter?

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